From “Have To” to “Get To”: A Mindful Reframe

“I have to go to work.”

“I have to clean.”

“I have to—”

Does this sound like you?

I catch myself phrasing things this way almost daily—both out loud and to myself. It’s something many of us say without much notice. Of course, there are plenty of things we have to do in life. But I’ve noticed that a small shift in language can have a big effect on my mindset around the have-to’s in my life.

From Obligation to Appreciation

Mindfulness isn’t limited to noticing our breath—it’s also being aware of the language we use and the stories we tell ourselves.

The words we choose and the way we speak to ourselves can shape our entire experience. We often say “I have to go to work,” “I have to clean the house,” and so on—but what happens when we flip it?

In my last post, I shared a moment at the gas pump—a task I usually dread—that turned into an unexpected opportunity to practice mindfulness and gratitude. I mentioned the mindset shift from “have to” to “get to,” and I want to dive deeper into that reframe.

You can read the full post here: Stillness in the Small Moments: Finding Mindfulness in Daily Life

When the Mundane Becomes Meaningful

The gas station example keeps coming back to me, not because the moment itself was remarkable, but because of the shift it invited.

I found myself standing at the gas pump in a state of frustration that I had to stop for gas. I had nowhere else to be, but the five minutes it took felt like an eternity, and I was anxious to get it over with and move on to the next thing. But this time, I realized how unnecessarily worked up I was over an easy, five-minute task.

I paused.

I took a breath.

I noticed how I was feeling and asked myself: Can I reframe this to something I get to do?

I get to have a car.

I get to afford gas.

I get to drive myself where I need to go.

That hasn’t always been true for me, and remembering this softened the moment. The task was still the same, but my experience of it changed. Instead of standing there feeling restless, thinking about everything else I could be doing, I decided to take a deep breath and return to the present moment with gratitude. This shift in mindset helped me to release some of my frustration and get back into my car feeling calmer and more grounded, and it carried over into the rest of my day.

Gratitude as a Mindfulness Practice

The shift in language from “I have to” to “I get to” seems so small, but it can have a big impact on our mindset. I find that when I’m able to catch myself, pause, and reframe the language I’m using in the moment, I transition from a state of reluctance to one of gratitude.

It’s not that I’m suddenly excited to do the dishes or enjoying the traffic I’m sitting in, but the reframe allows me to find the silver lining and feel a sense of peace while I’m waiting in line instead of building up anger and impatience over a situation that is out of my control.

It may not be obvious at first, but even the frustrating moments offer something to be grateful for.

Everyday Moments That Trigger “Have To” Thinking

What are the tasks that bring up this “have to” mindset for you?

I invite you to notice the next time you’re talking or thinking this way, and observe—what are your feelings around it? When I catch myself, I find it tends to be around things that trigger stress, resistance, or dislike. Below are some common “have to” examples, but we all have our list.

Waiting in line

Washing dishes

Working

Folding laundry

Commuting

Grocery Shopping

Paying bills

Practice: Flip the Script

The next time you hear yourself say “I have to,” whether in conversation or to yourself, see if you can pause.

Can you replace it with “I get to”?

How does this shift your mood? Your pace? Your presence?

We won’t necessarily cut this out of our vocabulary or even notice every time we think this way. But when we do, it’s a great opportunity to practice mindfulness and gratitude.

Take a moment to reflect on a task or responsibility that feels like a burden right now. What if you looked at it through a different lens—one of gratitude? Consider something you feel you have to do today that, in a different season of life, you might have hoped or worked for. How does that shift in perspective change how you relate to it now?

A Small Shift with a Big Impact

Seemingly tiny shifts like this one can add up over time. I invite you to come back to this reframe again and again, knowing that it’s not about perfection—but presence, perspective, and practice.

This post is part of Mindfulness in the Mundane—a short series on finding mindfulness in everyday life. If you’re craving more groundedness in your day, each post offers a small, simple way to return to presence.